Tag Archives: Twitter

A Give Away and some fruit

Because I could hear the sound of birds chirping and my stomach growling on my last post, I decided to up the ante. Help me think of a Twitter name and if I choose it, I’ll give you a 25$ gift card to Target (woohoo – just think of all the free toothpaste $25 buckaroos can purchase!)

Now you are getting great “advice” AND possibly a gift card just for being my friend a reader of my blog.

Isn’t life great? Just one more tidbit of “advice” to keep you thinking, laughing and remembering why you’re reading this in the first place.

If life hands you lemons, either mix them with Vodka or squeeze them in someone’s eyes.

Until then, if you can still see…(then obviously you’re not drinking enough Vodka, haven’t pissed off anybody enough to get lemon juice in your eyes, or just maybe your day’s going pretty darn well and nobody’s handed you any lemons)…if that’s the case, feast your pretty peepers on these pictures.

This is me in the morning...I'm trying to poke my OWN eyes with lemons. Alas, I have missed.

But then I have a little breakfast and all is good with the world. Except...I see a hand a little too close to my "coffee".

Now I've had my morning "coffee", I've got my pitchfork and I'm ready to start my day!

So let life throw you lemons…you might just have $25 worth of your own to throw back!

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Indecisiveness

I want to add a Twitter account, so I can update the world regularly on my awesome parenting advice and world domination. I mean if you could see how well my kids behave, how clean their rooms are and the fact they start every morning, after bringing me breakfast in bed, with:

“Mommy, after we’re done feeding the homeless, what can we do for you today?”

You would understand why you need me in your life — on a daily basis. Moment by increasingly dull moment. Not sure how to parent your kid effectively, read this. Wondering how to talk to your teenager, have no fear, check out this.  Thinking of improving your marriage? Look no further, I have all the answers here. I’m practically an expert on everything and I have the checkbook, the debt, the kids who adore me and the perfect marriage to prove it. Face it, you really can’t go on without me and my “advice”. (See, you didn’t even realize I was giving advice, did you? Don’t worry, neither did I.)

So, help me think of a name for a Twitter account. It can only be 15 letters.  Your spouse, life partner, mother, sister, boss, friend will thank you for it. Or at least I will…