Tag Archives: Friendship

My Precious

Wine, you and I have been friends for a long time. Longer than I’d like to admit. But I really think we need to have some new boundaries in our “relationship”.

There you are my pretty.

First, you must remain by yourself without my connection from Sunday until Friday evening. Yes, I know you always mean well. But sometimes my head does not agree with you the next morning. I won’t broach the subject of my liver…We haven’t been “tight” for years. I saw it on the road the other day with its suitcase. It was a pretty sad sight. But it looked happy and who am I to judge.

Second, you must stop calling my friends. It is especially embarrassing when you leave incoherent messages and start blabbing incessantly. I know you just love my friends, but sometimes they don’t like you. Even if you swear you’ve made a new breakthrough which answers all life questions.

Third, you must never ever get on my Facebook account. Your status updates, though quite witty, use far too many swear words and are rarely neutral. In addition there is no need to comment on everyone else’s statuses, nor is a thumbs up warranted for every friends’ posts. Though you think you’re funny, the next day you’re actually anxiety producing. And then when I must delete your “words” I just make other people look like they’re talking to themselves. So now you’ve embarrassed two people.

Fourth, you must stop tricking me into thinking, “Just one more beer, vodka, heaven forbid tequilla and then you’ll let me sleep.” Once you’re finished with me, there is no need for you to have one of your other friends  jump out and scream, “CHECK.ME.OUT. Shiny and new. Open me up and then we’ll make some calls.”

Now play fair you two.

We’ve been through a lot, you and I. And I’m really only asking for some little things. I’ve been your vessel for too long. No more tricking me with your silly tastings, pairing yourself with great food, cheese and bread and great conversation. So if you could just keep your end of the bargain, I don’t see us breaking up anytime in the near future.

Forever faithfully yours,

Juliet

P.S. We’ll talk about the dancing next time.

Oh what tangled webs we weave.

Oh what tangled webs we weave.

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Schezuan

I’ve been in a really bad mood lately.  Lots o’ stress+ lots o’ whining= not so much fun. But I know that’s all going to change for a few short days. Yes, the Fric to my Frac, the Abbott to my Costello, the Ben to my Jerry, the Gin to my Tonic, The Rogers to my Hammerstein ( I could go on forever, this is too much fun) is coming to visit me!

We’re going to stay up late, laugh ’till it hurts, talk ’till we can’t, eat ’till we’re too full, drink ’till we’re too hungover, cry ’till we…well let’s hope we don’t cry this time. She’s going to tell me what a good mother I am, I’m going to watch her be a good mother.  We’re going to talk about our work, our kids, our husbands, our cities -well her city, my town.

Then we’re going to laugh about old times. Like the time we spent the night before her wedding in the bride and groom’s suite, ordering the “lover’s breakfast for two” and laughing about it until the champagne came out our noses.  We will remember the time our butts stuck together because up North summer is HOT and there’s no air conditioning. We’ll remember Paris, Sonoma, Vegas, New Jersey, Colorado, family vacations, attempting to jet ski — on one jet ski of course, old boyfriends and old friends.

We’ll remember our babies when they were much younger. We’ll remember when we were much younger.

But mostly we’ll just laugh and have a great time.

Then she’ll go back to her city and I’ll stay in my town and I’ll think about how lucky I am to have had a best friend for so long and for so much more time to come. And for a while, all will be right the world.